Rediscovering Your Dreams: Breaking Free from People-Pleasing

Posted on by

When we are young, we all imagine the life we think we will have when we are an adult. How many of us have the life that we dreamed of as a child? What if that was our path? What if that was the way we should have gone? What if we didn’t do what was expected by those around us and followed our dream? What made you go in the direction you went instead of the way you dreamed? Did you go in the opposite direction just to make someone else happy? In doing that, Did it make you happy?

When we become people-pleasers, we lose ourselves. We lose direction; and we lose sight of our dream. When we live to make others happy, we often find ourselves lost. We become lost in chaos of life and often our own minds. We go through the motions and tell ourselves we are satisfied; but we aren’t truly fulfilled.

Personally, I have come to a near breaking-point. I’ve become aware that my good works and kind nature is taken for granted. My help is expected. My generosity is expected. Keeping my feelings to myself is expected. I look back and wish I appreciated myself more. Instead, I see/saw myself as others see/saw me and treat[ed] me. Can you relate?

Is it too late to change your view of yourself and your dream? Never! It’s never too late to improve. How do I/you change? What is my/your first step? Steps in change is different for each of us. You can do it without outside advice or influence. All you need to do is pick one thing that diminishes your self-worth and start there. Then onto the next thing that diminishes your self-worth. Change how you respond to those things. Being available for yourself doesn’t make you a bad person. Standing up for your opinions, doesn’t make you wrong.

I can put myself first and still be kind, caring and helpful to others. When I put myself first, I have more compassion for another. I don’t feel burned out (as much!). When I finally follow my dream, I have peace. My dream of how I thought my adult life would be can’t be restored. But I can start from where I am. I can preserve my future by making necessary changes now.

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” -Galatians 1:10

When I am available to myself, I am more present with God and that matters most to me.
Are you ready to be available to yourself? Where will you start? When?

Pull Some Irons Out of the Fire

Posted on by

Do you feel overwhelmed but still empty? I do.

I have suddenly realized that my entire life has been a steady stream of being a caretaker. I thought I had to throw all of my irons on the fire. I had to shuffle them around to meet the demands of others. Of course, I expected and enjoyed taking care of my kids when they were young; I didn’t expect to have to do it alone. I didn’t want to have to but that’s how it turned out. I love my kids (now men) and would do it over again if I had to. My kids were not the issue. All the adults who were [and those who still are] demanding is my issue. I repeat, my issue. It’s time for me to take a step back and pull some irons out of the fire.

Change is inevitable. Accepting change and more importantly, making change is in my opinion, life-saving. Being flexible, easygoing and accommodating is important in a peaceful home/life until being too flexible, easygoing and accommodating becomes painful. Emotionally and physically painful. When you realize that this is happening, it’s time for you to take some irons out of the fire.

When you don’t say “no” even though you want to, you only neglect yourself. When you say “yes” to others, you’re saying “no” to yourself. You’re telling yourself, ‘no, I don’t need the time to rest. No, I don’t need time to take care of my own needs. No, I don’t need to regroup, plan ahead and no, I don’t need personal time. No, I don’t need to do the work I dream of doing’. Your body and mind hears what you’re telling it. When you say no to yourself, your body hears you don’t feel that you matter. Change your attitude toward yourself. You matter.

If you tell someone that you can’t help this time, do you think they won’t find another way? They will. Who is there for you when you need help? If you’re a giver, the takers will take. And take. And take. All your irons will be red hot and there will be no more left for you to use.

Your body needs you to be rested, healthy and nourished with proper food and lifestyle nourishment. Your body depends on you more than others do. Take care of it before it burns out like the fire that has no oxygen and no fuel.

How many irons do you have in the fire? How many are you willing to pull out of the fire for your best health and your best self? When will you finally be the caretaker to yourself? If not now, then when? If not you, then who?

What Forgiving Can Do

Posted on by

On this beautiful fall day, I watch the leaves float freely from the tree that held it for two seasons. I feel their weightlessness floating without looking back. It gives me the desire to let go too. I don’t just think of the leaf falling freely, I see the tree letting go. The tree lets go of something that won’t help it through the next season. The tree lets go of something past as it prepares itself for something new. That’s how God created the trees and if you feel it, they set the example for us to let go of things that are of no use. I want to be like a tree, free to let go, grow and renew.

Forgiving someone who used their power over you and caused both emotional and physical pain is hard. When you trust someone and they use their significance in your life as power, it’s emotionally scarring.

The thought of forgiving someone so evil can make you feel weak or frozen. For a long time, I was afraid if I forgave them, they would see it as what they did to me was okay, that I accepted it. So, I refused to forgive and I stayed frozen in fear, in time, in pain and in the past.

It took me years, many years and therapy, study and prayers to just get to the point that I can think about the true act of forgiving. Part of my healing was raising my two boys and showing them the love, respect and trust that I was not given. Through those steps I learned that forgiving the abusers allowed me to take my power back. Forgiving doesn’t mean I have to be part of their life anymore, including those who have passed on. It doesn’t give them permission to have any kind of access to me. It doesn’t mean I’m weak, it gives me strength.

I’ve been through abuse, neglect, being used, trampled, looked down on, cheated on and much more. By not forgiving, it kept me in that dark place of anger, hurt, night terrors and the bad memories. While I still have the occasional night terror, triggers and moments of PTSD, I don’t stay in it for very long anymore.

I’ve recently chosen to forgive and let God take it from me. He saw it all. I felt/feel the darkness lift off of me. It was the darkness the enemy wanted me to stay in and it’s gone! I see God’s light and His love. I feel freed from living in the past.

I was expected and sometimes forced to respect them, but I learned that respect is earned. “Therefore, however you want people to treat you, so treat them” -Matthew 7:12

Reach out to me if you want to share, talk or just be heard. You too can heal. Looking to God is what helped me, and he continues to guide me every day. “As and it shall be given to you, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds and to him that knocks, it is opened.” -Matthew 7:7-8

“Our Father, who art in heaven, Hallowed be Thy name,
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day, our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For Thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory forever. Amen.”

Owning It!!

Posted on by

Today, I left the house without my hat. I began driving without my hat on until I reached my destination a week or so ago.
I thought I left it in my car the last time I was out.

Today, I grabbed my work gear and proceeded to drive to my client only to find that my hat was not with me.

Oh my!! What to do?!! With my chin up and a deep breath I decided to own it. Stand tall is something someone told me years ago and I hold tightly to it. This is who I am at this very moment so why hide? I didn’t do this to myself – life did.

I ran an errand on my way home without thinking twice nor caring if anyone stared. Winning!

I’ve gotten used to the white and I kind of love it. Last week I discovered that my natural dark color is beginning to grow through in spots, ah well, can’t have it all… as I sigh and laugh at myself.

Waiting for White Hair Wisdom!

Posted on by

I hate when I have large gaps between posts. I hate that I think I have nothing to say. The fact is, I do have good ideas, helpful tips and deep thoughts. I sometimes allow grief laden thoughts to consume me. In my last post, I made the decision to slow the hair loss posts and move onto other things. But the hair loss reality brought me way down.

I know that I’m not the only one with Alopecia, but I’m the only one in my large circle. I feel very alone. By February I lost 85% of my hair. In January, started Litfulo, a JAK for Alopecia. While on it, hair kept falling out. This is normal but it was very depressing. I also lost my eyebrows and lashes. I turned inward and found things to distract my mind. I’m pretty sure that’s when baking sourdough everything came into my life. It is something I can control as well as keep my mind on happier things. I’m trying not to hate myself and trying to stop hiding.

Mid-April I began seeing a little hair-fuzz! Now, Mid-May, I have more fuzz, albeit pure white, but it’s hair, I’ll take it! I still wear hats in public until it fills in more. Those who have seen my new growth love the color. It might change back to my normal medium brown or not, I don’t worry about that.

This is me in a nutshell right now. Mentally, I’m feeling better and working on improving. Life sure has a way of throwing curve balls when we least expect it. It’s how we react that will get us through it. For me, it’s going to and trusting God in every aspect of my life.

Upon her head
Hair grows like frost
Glistening in the sunshine
and gleaming like new snow. – DMS

Not Enough Hats!

Posted on by

After trying several OTC remedies and having steroid injections into my scalp without much success, I opted to try the JAK Inhibitor, Olumiant. It worked great for ten months but then it slowed working and I began getting bald spots again. I have lost about 75-80% of my hair as of now. I stayed on Olumiant for three more months, until I got a sinus infection and bronchitis in December. When on a JAK, it’s recommended to stop the medication until your sickness passes as it suppresses your immune response.

Since getting sick and medication was no longer helping, I decided to try a more natural approach again. That December illness took weeks to get rid of. I’ve been eating mostly anti-inflammatory foods and homemade, gut cleansing juices and foods. So far, it’s not helping my hair follicles.

There are not enough hats to hide under! I don’t know how to feel comfortable in public. I feel best with my winter hats on while doing errands. I can’t wear them indoors, like at restaurants and such. I can’t wear them when warm weather is back. I feel like hiding. I’m self-conscious and embarrassed to work on my hair clients. I feel sad and frustrated.

I initially blamed my Alopecia and Hashimoto’s, (yes, I have that too) solely on the COVID vaccine. Upon learning and reading about the immune system and how to heal the body naturally, I realize that stress probably played a big part in why my immune system went into overdrive after getting that 3rd shot. I had been severely stressed both physically and mentally from 2016-2019 or so, in dealing with my parents. Specifically my mother. That’s a story that is now past, so there is no need to explain. Stress on your body and mind can weaken your immune system among other disease. It puts your body in dis-ease, fight or flight mode. Once disease kicks in, it’s difficult to reverse or heal. It’s not impossible in all instances, but difficult.

Back in October, my dermatologist suggested a different JAK due to it solely focusing on alopecia, unlike Olumiant which helps rheumatoid arthritis, now COVID! and Alopecia. I said I’d think about it because it’s still a JAK and they come with some risks, like all medications. This newer one is called Litfulo. Yesterday, after careful consideration and reading about it, I’ve decided to give it a try. In fact, I went to God for guidance, which is something I’m doing more often. He will guide you, just listen. My goal is still going to be gut health and supporting my microbiome. I’ve always eaten clean and wholesome since being on my own. Adding this microbiome support will surely be a benefit that I will be sure to share it with others.

My heart has always been in natural healing, wholesome eating and teaching others that cooking from scratch can be as quick as cooking prepared foods. I’ve come to know what peaceful living feels like and I want to share that with anyone who wants it too!

Life throws curveballs, how you handle what comes at you, makes a difference. I’m no longer the victim of circumstances. I’ve learned what I can handle and what to say no to. I’m a recovering people pleaser. Even Jesus said no when He needed to, see John 11:1-7, and Matthew 12:46-50.

Don’t give up, don’t give in to an unwell body, mind or spirit. Do whatever it takes to be well. Reach out if you have similar or different experiences that you’d like to talk about or get help with. Email me HERE.

Here are just a few photos of what my hair looks like today. Updates of progress will follow.

Circle, Cage or Neither?

Posted on by

I recently saw and shared the above image on a social media page. I’ve been under the weather and feeling the pull of other’s demands for help. While trying to take care of myself fighting a sinus/bronchitis infection, my usual happy to help disposition, wasn’t feeling it. So, this quote struck a chord.

A comment, actually two comments, on my re-post struck an even louder chord for me. One comment(er) said, “Wow, that’s quite a perspective. Hmmm….” and the other, “Oh WOW, yuck. That statement will make a person think!”. These two comments stayed in my head until I got the message. I know God wanted me to get it.

This is what I learned from this. We shouldn’t be confined to a circle. We shouldn’t view interactions with other people as a cage. We don’t belong in boxes, circles, long lines nor high walls. We all have so many various interactions with people for the appropriate reasons like family, friends, coworkers, clients, and such. None of these define our “circle”.

I now see that if I’m not getting inspired by who I’m interacting with, it’s not their fault. If I’m feeling pressure of their demands, it’s my fault for not setting healthy boundaries for myself. And for always putting those who are takers more then givers, first. If you give, they will take without a second thought. It’s not their fault, it’s who they are.

There are different groups of people that I am in contact with on a regular basis. Most of which I am grateful for. If I’m not feeling inspired, I need to look at myself and make the necessary adjustments. Perhaps, that person or those people are in fact being inspired by me. Perhaps, that’s God’s work for me to do! That message in and of itself, is awe-inspiring to me!

I have a magnificent circle! I love all the people I am surrounded with. Some come in closer while others are at a distance. Whether family, friends, associates, clients or acquaintances, don’t think of being in a circle, leave it open. Grow your possibility to be the inspiration for someone else.

Romans 15:5 

“May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had.”

Go be inspired by the people you’re probably inspiring! Enjoy the your journey.

Shifting My Focus to Shift the Outcome

Posted on by

Today is the last day of the year. The past two years have been emotionally and physically draining for me. It’s time to change my mindset and move forward. I feel that I’ve been very much at a standstill.

My plan is to stop being angry at why my hair is falling out and why my thyroid and immune system got destroyed. My plan is to look ahead and just do better, just be better.

Health starts from inside the body. I am a certified holistic health coach and I let a lot of what I’ve learned sit on the back burner. It’s time for me to get back to me, hair or no hair. Whew! That was hard to say!

So, let’s journey together in making positive changes and choices in our lives. Let’s keep our chins up and eyes ahead.

What is your immediate goal? What do you want to change in your life in the coming days, weeks or year ahead?

Thank you for being you, for following my stories and for accepting me as I am.

Curve balls of Life

Posted on by

No matter what our intentions and plans are, it most likely doesn’t go exactly as we expect. Sometimes our plan goes in the direction we plan but there are bumps along the way. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in having a dream or expectation die. Even the most successful people have had disappointments. Don’t let the curve ball throw you off-track.

If you’ve been following my story for the past two years, you know that I’ve been dealing with hair loss. It’s likely from the Covid (booster) vaccine late 2021.

My focus was on the cause. I was (still am), angry that the vaccination made me pretty sick less than 24 hours after getting it. So sick that the doctor I saw told me that my “immune system is in overdrive”. A few months later, I found a bald patch on my head.

Reading prior posts, you can follow the ups and downs I’ve been going through. At this point, I have lost much more hair than I previously did. I want to stop the Olumiant because it stopped helping. It also has undesirable side effects. Instead of why alopecia started, I’m finally at “what now”.

Nothing topical is going to help make it stop. The problem comes from inside the body. Inflammation and toxins in the body are two major culprits. It’s time for me to figure out how to detox my cells and reduce inflammation. I will see an endocrinologist in March and I hope this person can help me find what’s going on inside. For now I will try to reduce bread & pasta. Those are the biggest simple carbs that I eat. I otherwise eat a healthy diet. I don’t typically crave sweets, desserts and such; only the bread and sometimes pasta.

Curve balls, bumps in the road, blocked paths are all inevitable. How we handle them is what we need to focus on. Don’t ask “why me or why this?”, ask, “what now?”.
Step away from your hyper-focused thoughts and reach out to God. Pray, ask, listen. You will hear what to do next. For me, praying to God calms my mind, soothes my soul and helps me change direction.

I don’t know what is ahead for me, but I do know I won’t surrender. I’m physically and emotionally exhausted, partially due to Hashimoto’s. That’s a whole other new thing since 2021.
I want to hide right now, but it’s not the answer. Hiding won’t solve anything. So, I adapt as much as I can today and each following day.

Did you think your life would be different than it is today? A year ago, where was your plan taking you? Did you get there, or have you hit bumps in the road and meet curve balls?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wasn’t going to add a photo this time. But, I want those dealing with the same thing to know you aren’t alone. Message me anytime if you have questions or want to vent.

Square One

Posted on by

Life is as unpredictable as a butterfly’s path. Do you often feel like you take two steps forward only to be thrown one or three steps back? I do.

If you’ve been following my blog you know that I’m learning how to deal with Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis and Alopecia Areata. I developed these after the third Covid vaccine, aka the booster. If you haven’t read about it before today, I urge you to scroll back to my previous posts. If you’re dealing with similar situations, I urge you to go back to my posts starting in September 2022.

What has changed for me recently? I was doing very well on Olumiant for the hair loss. I has 90% of my hair back. This past September though, I found a small bald patch at the back of my head. It only measured about the size of a pencil eraser. It grew bigger by the week and now, just about 6 weeks later, it’s the size of a golf ball. I also have a few other small spots starting. I don’t want to increase the Olumiant due to side effects. In all honesty, it’s really just a band-aid for what is actually going on inside my body. My dermatologist agrees.

As far as the Hashimoto’s goes, my symptoms are minimal. I have learned that it worsens over the years but I stay positive. The minimal side effects are hoarse voice from time-to-time, poor sleep and fatigue. I feel like those three things are related to each other. I press on; who’s not tired these days?!

This week I saw my GP for a yearly physical. She is so good. She listens and cares about what is said. She has ordered an ultrasound on my thyroid because she said it feels harder than it did a year ago. I will also see an endocrinologist and an ENT (ear, nose, throat specialist). She wants me to consider HRT, (hormone replacement therapy) as well.

I feel and pray that these next steps will help get to the core issue inside my body. I want to feel confident about my hair, it’s awkward being a hairstylist and having alopecia. In my forty-two years of doing hair, I have never had a client with alopecia. It’s certainly a new learning curve for me. I fear losing ALL of my hair where I cannot hide the bald patches anymore. I need to come to a place of being at peace with it, but I’m not even close yet.

As I continue this new journey of wonky health, I have joined support groups on social media. In these groups, I’m shocked at the amount of new cases of both Hashimoto’s and Alopecia. If you dig deep, you will find that these are likely linked to Covid and/or Covid vaccines. I linked nih.gov sites in previous posts.

Whatever journey, good or bad, that you’re dealing with, you’re never alone. That can be both comforting and upsetting. We need to make better decisions and choices about our body. We need to care what goes in it, what and who we are surrounded by, and our environment. Start at home. Make your home chemical free, your food wholesome and surroundings peaceful.

Be your best self-advocate. No one will care about you more than you so stop putting yourself at the end of the list.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12

Until next time, do something today that brings you peace and cleanses your soul.

Hare vs. Hair with a big sigh.