If you read any of my past posts, you know that my childhood and young adulthood weren’t necessarily filled with love and hope and encouragement. My past in fact took a lot of time and energy from my present because I let it. I let it because everything needed to be pocessed in order to let it be. Today, I appreciate each day with my chin up.

When I was dealing with being haunted by my past abuse, I would hear and read things such as “let it go”, “move on” and “stop living in the past”. It is certainly easier said than done and even easier for someone on the outside to say it. I can honestly say that I haven’t let it go but I have let it be. There is nothing I can do to change what happened; it became part of who I am but it did not define me.

My mother was particularly tough on me. It didn’t matter what I said or did, how I looked, what I may have achieved, nor how kind I was to her at all times – she still found something negative or made negativity out of it. Despite that, I remained kind to her. I wanted to walk away so many times while in the moment but it’s not in me to abandon anyone. I remained because we are family and because I am always true to who I am. I remained helpful, kind, caring, serving and all that goodness but I did it for me. Hindsite, I have no regrets, I did all I could and then a little more.

If you’re struggling with a relationship whether with an extended family member, parent, sibling, spouse or other, it’s important to try to understand or at the very least listen to their side of the situation. What might seem outrageous to you is very real in their mind. False reality is real it’s likely an emotional issue. You may not ever understand their explanation and how life is/was for them but acknowledging their reality is fair. In some way, listening to another’s personal feelings, fears, and concerns just may help you appreciate that they are or were broken and made choices that felt right for them at the time.

While growing up there was not a lot of love shown to my brothers and me but we always had a place to live, clothes to wear and food to eat. We didn’t have designer things, we didn’t eat the finest foods but that was life then. We did have a very clean house and from that we learned how to clean well. We learned how to cook well. We learned perseverence and determination from my mother. We learned how to tune things out and let it slide from my father; though I’m not sure that is a good thing. We also had our maternal grandparents to lean on and that made all the difference – without them we would be lost still today. They didn’t step in and rescue us away from what was going on, I’m not even sure they truly knew but we could always talk to them and be with them. For them, we are all so very thankful.

While dealing with my mother in the more recent past there were times when I was so hurt and angry that I wished I could disappear. I didn’t want to go back and help her out nor spend time with her ever again. But that didn’t happen. I kept her in my life because despite my focus on her negativity toward me and others, she had good qualities too. I was quick to compliment her on those qualities to try to encourage her to be positive and proud in the good things. Though it rarely helped, I have no regrets calling out the good. Her cup was always half empty – mine is always half full.

Have you ever done something or thought a certain way in the past that you completely feel opposite about today? As we mature, our priorities change. As we experience life, we also experience growth.

We all want to feel accepted. We all make mistakes and many of them we cannot change and that doesn’t make us bad people. We still deserve love without condition. We learn from the things we say and do. We grow, we decide to break free from our self-made prison. Things won’t always be bad and things won’t always be good. Choose to keep people in your life, especially family but set healthy boundaries so that you and they can have peace.

We can’t change yesterday but we can start to love and live today and forever.