On this beautiful fall day, I watch the leaves float freely from the tree that held it for two seasons. I feel their weightlessness floating without looking back. It gives me the desire to let go too. I don’t just think of the leaf falling freely, I see the tree letting go. The tree lets go of something that won’t help it through the next season. The tree lets go of something past as it prepares itself for something new. That’s how God created the trees and if you feel it, they set the example for us to let go of things that are of no use. I want to be like a tree, free to let go, grow and renew.

Forgiving someone who used their power over you and caused both emotional and physical pain is hard. When you trust someone and they use their significance in your life as power, it’s emotionally scarring.

The thought of forgiving someone so evil can make you feel weak or frozen. For a long time, I was afraid if I forgave them, they would see it as what they did to me was okay, that I accepted it. So, I refused to forgive and I stayed frozen in fear, in time, in pain and in the past.

It took me years, many years and therapy, study and prayers to just get to the point that I can think about the true act of forgiving. Part of my healing was raising my two boys and showing them the love, respect and trust that I was not given. Through those steps I learned that forgiving the abusers allowed me to take my power back. Forgiving doesn’t mean I have to be part of their life anymore, including those who have passed on. It doesn’t give them permission to have any kind of access to me. It doesn’t mean I’m weak, it gives me strength.

I’ve been through abuse, neglect, being used, trampled, looked down on, cheated on and much more. By not forgiving, it kept me in that dark place of anger, hurt, night terrors and the bad memories. While I still have the occasional night terror, triggers and moments of PTSD, I don’t stay in it for very long anymore.

I’ve recently chosen to forgive and let God take it from me. He saw it all. I felt/feel the darkness lift off of me. It was the darkness the enemy wanted me to stay in and it’s gone! I see God’s light and His love. I feel freed from living in the past.

I was expected and sometimes forced to respect them, but I learned that respect is earned. “Therefore, however you want people to treat you, so treat them” -Matthew 7:12

Reach out to me if you want to share, talk or just be heard. You too can heal. Looking to God is what helped me, and he continues to guide me every day. “As and it shall be given to you, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds and to him that knocks, it is opened.” -Matthew 7:7-8

“Our Father, who art in heaven, Hallowed be Thy name,
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day, our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For Thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory forever. Amen.”