My mother recently passed away; it’s been nine months. My father passed not long before my mother. Despite our less than stellar childhood (my two brothers and I), I have learned a lot from both my parents, what to do and what not to do. Good things can be learned from every situation we encounter.

Both of my parents taught me not to lie. One fabricated and/or manipulated things that happened or were said or done and the other kept secrets as long as possible until the truth was inevitable. The fabricator was often caught by several and the secret keeper eventually was caught and folded and finally admitted wrong-doing.
The lesson I take away from that behavior is don’t lie, don’t hide the truth, don’t intentionally do something that you feel you have to hide and lie, be honest, face the consequences and move forward.

It’s okay and even good to admit when you’re wrong. Some people view admitting being wrong as a weakness. Some people HATE to be wrong. When you admit you’re wrong, especially to your kids when it involves them, they learn to own up and have confidence that being wrong isn’t a weakness; they learn that it is a form of respect: self-respect and respect for others.

Speak up when you have been wronged or threatened. Keeping a personal attack or painful experience inside hurts you more than any physical pain. It’s better to talk to someone and be afraid of their reaction for a moment than to keep it in and be afraid alone, forever. It might not change things, but it might, and knowing that someone else knows makes you feel less alone.

Treat others as you wish to be treated no matter what. I’m always kind to others. I don’t always experience the same treatment from others and it sometimes makes me want to treat them the way they treat me (after all, it works both ways, right?) but I always choose the better road. I remain who I am, a kind, caring and supportive person.

The phone works both ways. If you haven’t heard from someone for what seems like a very long time, pick up the phone and call them. They might like to know that you’re thinking of them too. If they don’t answer or if you don’t call because “they are always busy anyhow” leave a message; a message will brighten their day and yours.

What you give is also what you get, most of the time. Some people are simply takers and will never change but you shouldn’t let that change you. If you’re a giver like I am, just keep being you.

Don’t take people for granted. When you do, they eventually stop caring and stop helping. They see the pattern and get tired of being used and mistreated and eventually you will lose their respect.

Happiness is a choice, just as anger is a choice. If you want to be happy, just be it. Of course, we all get angry once in a while but it usually doesn’t last.

Things don’t bring us happiness. Things we want only bring happiness for a short time, for the moment. Soon you will have so many things that you don’t need or want that you feel overwhelmed, out of control and unhappy, still. Choose adventures, time with family and friends and other intangible things. Choose moments over things.

Pay your bills before buying fun and frivolous things. There is peace of mind when your bills are paid and responsibilities met. Whatever leftover cash you have can be used on your wants or put aside the extra cash to add up for that big-ticket item.

No one will take care of me except me. If you depend too strongly on others, you end up unhappy, depressed, negative and angry. When you make sure your needs are met by your own doing you feel accomplished, a sense of pride and self-sufficiency and secure in knowing what you need is in your hands; at your disposal.

Take care of yourself first. If you put yourself last, you often deprive yourself and feel burned out. If the needs of everyone else around you seem more important than your own needs and you always oblige to others, they will expect it from you every time. When you don’t put your personal care first, you send the message that you don’t matter and in return you will be treated as such. You’re telling them how to treat you. Put your own oxygen mask on first.

People will manipulate you to get what they want. They might even call you names to make you feel bad for not giving in to them. Learn to be aware of what is sincere and what is manipulation.

Name calling and others’ opinions of you don’t define you. If someone calls you names or states their negative opinion of you, it could be because they feel intimidated by you. They often put you down to try preventing you from succeeding making them feel superior to you.

Love your kids unconditionally. Some people will only love others when they are good and serving them. You should never love a child or another person less because they disappointed you. Showing love shows great strength and support. Correcting a wrong behavior can be done without losing love and respect for the wrongdoer.

God doesn’t actually punish us. God loves even the sinner. We punish ourselves and punish one another. Using God against another is a scare tactic and it could tragically push one away from God. God is love and wants us to love one another.

Housework sometimes does relieve anger. I hate to admit that I have adopted my mother’s love of housework but only when I’m upset. I suppose that doing something that doesn’t require a lot of concentration helps process what’s on my mind.

I actually can be successful. When others think you aren’t good enough to accomplish dreams or goals it might be because they don’t want you to surpass what have accomplished. Maybe they want to squash your dreams because they weren’t brave enough to make a go at their own. You can do what you set your mind to doing. Sure, there might be obstacles along the way but they only build endurance and strength.

This is a long short-list of things I have learned from my mother. There are certainly many mother things but these are things that have formed who I am and who I am to become. Maybe you see similarities in lessons from home? Share your thoughts.

Until next time, just be you.

As always Stand Tall.