Do Not Dwell, See New Things

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This year has been a challenge for just about everyone I talk to. To be perfectly honest, the past few years have been wonky. For me, the reasons are various but not limited. As well as more difficult, stressful moments, there have been some pretty amazing moments too. Today, for the year end, I’m going to pour out my bucket to give myself some space for new experiences in the year(s) ahead.

I’ve struggled to understand behaviors of people all my life. Family, friends, co-workers, clients, strangers and more have never failed to baffle me. I had not understood why people would do or say such awful things to me and to others; I expected everyone to be kind, caring and giving like I am. It took far too long but I finally woke up. I have learned that a majority of people I am surrounded with are selfish, greedy, abusers of those who are the opposite of selfish greed. I have learned the true colors of people I have loved and trusted. Though I may never know why they treat me and others less than, I will [or have] let them go.

To sum up the past year I can agree that Covid-19 has truly disrupted our world. In fact, the world is disrupted in so many different ways and it’s not good. Knowing this, I can look forward with at least some expectations of how people will behave and react in society. I can look forward with my personal expectations and how I can walk in peace and love toward others. I plan to offset what seems to be the new normal.

Looking back at the happy moments of the past year brings a smile to my face and warmth overflowing in my heart. My eldest son got engaged to a truly sweet, caring and amazing woman. He loves her children as his own and I love them all as my own as well. Our family expanded and will expand a little more in March of 2022. I’m truly over the moon with happiness and love for all my kids – I love them so much that I claim them all as my own! I’m extremely happy for my son and is family. My only disappointment is that we are a ten hour drive apart from each other. At least we are blessed to be able to take that drive whenever we can.

My personal and work life has shifted slightly since 2017. My parents decided to move down from the northern part of New Hampshire to be closer to family. Closer to family was very close to me, so close in fact, that I lost all momentum I had with my holistic health coaching business. I lost clients and time because I was at my parent’s becking call. I was co.manded to be there every minute they wanted my help. My mother’s expectations was for me to do laborious things, rather than for a nice relaxed visit. I never said “no” to them, I obliged to avoid their anger. My father passed in 2017 so my mother expected even more from me – and she got it. I was worn and torn physically and mentally. Then she passed in 2019. I exhaled slowly. It has taken me two years to get my mind back to a safe and peaceful place. Which brings me to this moment. Where do I go from here?

A new dawn

I struggled much of my life to know what my God-given gifts are. I never believed I had any. I’m only now coming to realize that my gifts are kindness, hospitality, going the extra mile for others, giving, caring, lifting-up, listening, showing compassion and helping guide people to happiness, peace and acceptance of self and others. I remember years back when I had the conversation of my concern of having no gifts with my minister and his wife, they both agreed that hospitality was my gift. I refused to believe that could be a gift and that could even be an important gift to have. Hospitality?! What can that do to help others and bring others to feel the blessings God gives us?! Now I see it. I think I didn’t see it then because it comes so naturally to me that it doesn’t feel important or like work at all. I realize now, that our gifts shouldn’t at all feel like work. Knowing what my gifts are, finally, allows me to use them in the most valuable way possible. I am thankful for my gifts, though they might seem insignificant to some, I see them as important today.

I’ve recently been meditating on where to go from here. Where should my focus lie? What things and thoughts should I bring forth? In doing so, I have seen the same words, messages and images cross my path. The most common words in my view are renew, anew, make new, don’t look back, don’t dwell, see the new things, release yourself from fear or worry, inner strength, prayer, asking, peaceful mind, peace, see, listen, hear and notice. I see it in emails, video messages, songs, books, talks, the bible – I’m going to run with it. And I want to take you along with me if you’re willing to renew as well.

I want to let go of the old, the used and re-used, the past hurts, fears, worries and anxieties. We are new every single day so let’s make sure we start every day with that knowledge and move into it with ease and lightness. If we can let go of how we reacted to situations in the past and react with new expectations of today, we can overcome fears and worry with a more positive attitude. Set your expecations as you would like to see things happen. Pray on your needs and desires and the perfect answer will come. Walk forward with your head held high and your ego in check. No one person is better than the other, we all make choices that we think are the right ones, we behave in a way that either serves us or serves others; your choices make you who you are to yourself and to everyone else. Live with the person you choose to be, the one that you want others to know. Be the person who is kind, selfless and caring.

I will be the person people expect, only from today forward, I will not be abused by takers and selfish, abhorrent folks. I will be as kind to myself as I am to everyone else. Cheers to renewal, anew, new, peace, inner-strength, release, attention to others and love.

Peace to you in the year(s) ahead!

Forget the Past, Do Not Dwell, See the New Things – Deuteronomy 31:8

~Dawn

Who Will Take Care of You?

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In short, the answer is you – or should be you. No one will meet your needs as you do. Most people either don’t know what you need or don’t care. Sure, they might ask you what you need and some are sincere and some use their offer as a tool. It’s people’s timing and often wording that defines their sincerity. The other important half of it is how or whether we ask for help. If you’re like me, you don’t care to “put people out”. Most often, I’d like to think, that we aren’t putting them out. I like to think that most folks are like me and willing to help at the drop of a hat.

There are many personalities. Mine is to not complain and to serve others..no matter what. This has gotten me into despair and worry. I don’t ever want to disappoint. Why? With my parents everything was about not disappointing them no matter how uncomfortable, wrong and inconvenient it felt; we did as we were told and kept our opinions to ourselves. This has unfortunately carried into pretty much every relationship, friendship and workplace connections. That has caused me pain and anxiety. But still, I try not to let others know.

I’m not often sick. I don’t consider chronic headaches/migraine a sickness though it’s often debilitating. I complain about splitting headaches to my two closest people but not to those around me on a daily basis – at work, at down time etc. I have learned to function with head pain. What I don’t do is put myself first, well, not until I truly need to stay home and battle whatever illness decides to attack me. Even using the word illness here, I cringe – I’m not ill, I’m just not well. How dare I be ill!

These past two week I have been ill. I have rescheduled clients, but I also tried to be a trooper and work through the ick. It didn’t serve me well. I did protect my clients from germs, thankfully. But I didn’t take care of myself through it until after. I hate to reschedule more than once, I hate to disappoint. In all that thinking, which truly isn’t logical, I have let myself down.

No one will take care of me except me. At least not as well. No one knows exactly what we need in any given time, they take queues from us and if we’re not sending signals then we are on our own. What signals do you send out? Do you ask for help? How does asking for help make you feel? Are you one of the few who fully takes care of what you need?

Do You Make Changes for Yourself or for Others?

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Maybe you thought that you had to transform your eating habits or your lifestyle because others either said you should or it’s what everyone else was doing. Maybe you were exactly right for you before making changes.

Have you tried something new and ended up feeling frustrated or like you are failing at making positive change? I know I have. I guess I never really knew who I was because I was not ecouraged to be myself; I was encouraged to be who my parents wanted me to be which followed me into my adult life making a negative impact on me. I became a people pleaser to everyone – everyone except myself. I felt constantly disappointed, in myself, in others, in life.

Once I felt somewhat free of judgement I decided to attend a holistic nutritional wellness school because I was for a long time and still am, amazed by the fact that the right foods and lifestyle choices can keep your body healthy and often heal minor illness/issues. Food can make your body feel bright, strong and energized. Through attending school I’ve become more absorbed into different diets and sometimes frustrated by the contradictions of particular food’s health benefits. SInce my training I have changed my way of eating several times – basically following what others claim as healthy. The thing is, claims are ever-changing.

In the past eight or so years I kind of lost myself to conforming. As I began realizing that, I felt my head spinning with overwhelm. From that moment I decided to get back to what works for me. I thought I needed to improve my weight, my choices, my looks and all that comes with lack of self-esteem when I really only needed to change the way I thought of myself. I’ve grown tired of living with so much self-doubt. I realized not long ago that I can help others while being myself. I needed to make some changes but not drastic ones like I had done while in nutritional coaching school and long after graduating.

Think about things you have wanted to change. Make a list. Think about how you imagine yourself having made those changes. Do they fit your true self – your deepest inner being? Line your goals up with who you are. Make changes that will benefit your health and lifestyle. Don’t do what is currently popular because everyone else is doing it; don’t cave in to pressure.

Embrace the person you’ve always been. Just be you. Always strive and work toward being better than you were yesterday and let go of “everyone’s doing it” peer pressure. You were perfectly made, embrace that. We are all perfectly imperfect.

Every day, every new dawn is a chance to start over; even if that means going back to past good habits.

Stand tall, be you.

Choosing to be Thankful

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If you read any of my past posts, you know that my childhood and young adulthood weren’t necessarily filled with love and hope and encouragement. My past in fact took a lot of time and energy from my present because I let it. I let it because everything needed to be pocessed in order to let it be. Today, I appreciate each day with my chin up.

When I was dealing with being haunted by my past abuse, I would hear and read things such as “let it go”, “move on” and “stop living in the past”. It is certainly easier said than done and even easier for someone on the outside to say it. I can honestly say that I haven’t let it go but I have let it be. There is nothing I can do to change what happened; it became part of who I am but it did not define me.

My mother was particularly tough on me. It didn’t matter what I said or did, how I looked, what I may have achieved, nor how kind I was to her at all times – she still found something negative or made negativity out of it. Despite that, I remained kind to her. I wanted to walk away so many times while in the moment but it’s not in me to abandon anyone. I remained because we are family and because I am always true to who I am. I remained helpful, kind, caring, serving and all that goodness but I did it for me. Hindsite, I have no regrets, I did all I could and then a little more.

If you’re struggling with a relationship whether with an extended family member, parent, sibling, spouse or other, it’s important to try to understand or at the very least listen to their side of the situation. What might seem outrageous to you is very real in their mind. False reality is real it’s likely an emotional issue. You may not ever understand their explanation and how life is/was for them but acknowledging their reality is fair. In some way, listening to another’s personal feelings, fears, and concerns just may help you appreciate that they are or were broken and made choices that felt right for them at the time.

While growing up there was not a lot of love shown to my brothers and me but we always had a place to live, clothes to wear and food to eat. We didn’t have designer things, we didn’t eat the finest foods but that was life then. We did have a very clean house and from that we learned how to clean well. We learned how to cook well. We learned perseverence and determination from my mother. We learned how to tune things out and let it slide from my father; though I’m not sure that is a good thing. We also had our maternal grandparents to lean on and that made all the difference – without them we would be lost still today. They didn’t step in and rescue us away from what was going on, I’m not even sure they truly knew but we could always talk to them and be with them. For them, we are all so very thankful.

While dealing with my mother in the more recent past there were times when I was so hurt and angry that I wished I could disappear. I didn’t want to go back and help her out nor spend time with her ever again. But that didn’t happen. I kept her in my life because despite my focus on her negativity toward me and others, she had good qualities too. I was quick to compliment her on those qualities to try to encourage her to be positive and proud in the good things. Though it rarely helped, I have no regrets calling out the good. Her cup was always half empty – mine is always half full.

Have you ever done something or thought a certain way in the past that you completely feel opposite about today? As we mature, our priorities change. As we experience life, we also experience growth.

We all want to feel accepted. We all make mistakes and many of them we cannot change and that doesn’t make us bad people. We still deserve love without condition. We learn from the things we say and do. We grow, we decide to break free from our self-made prison. Things won’t always be bad and things won’t always be good. Choose to keep people in your life, especially family but set healthy boundaries so that you and they can have peace.

We can’t change yesterday but we can start to love and live today and forever.

Where Do You Find Comfort?

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Comfort comes in many forms and for each of us comfort means something very different from the next.

We all seek comfort. We look for it in our family members, our friends, sometimes strangers, nowadays we can reach out and find it through social media, we seek it from our pets, some look for it in cleaning, shopping, going to the gym, finding distraction in a movie; we also look to food for comfort and some look for it in a glass of wine, a bottle of beer or other alcohol. I’m sure there are hundreds more ways people look for and sometimes find comfort.

Along with looking for comforting situations comes the reason we seek it. Those reasons are endless and among them is stress, sadness, boredom, depression and loneliness.

Too often many comforts lead to less than healthy choices. We crave certain foods when we seek comfort. Particular textures and tastes have much to do with how we are feeling. Common cravings are sweets, carbs, junk foods and alcohol. Giving in to these cravings leads us into a downward spiral often leaving us feeling worse.

If you find yourself seeking comfort on a regular basis and turning to foods or activities that you know deep down isn’t doing your body or lifestyle any good, take a step back and make a decision to finally take care of YOU. Self-care is not selfish. Self-care is important for a healthy, happy and long life.

As a holistic wellness coach, I’ve helped people overcome their overwhelming desire to give in to self-sabotaging choices for seeking comfort. Is seeking unhealthy comforts getting you down? Reach out to me here :)

Don’t Look Back

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Today, while I was completing a menial task, my mind wandered off to remembering how time felt like it dragged on so slowly as a kid and how time seems to fly by now.

Becoming truly caught in my past through thought, I remembered how much I wished to get out of the home, the abuse, the negative energy and feeling like each of us kids couldn’t do anything right. Walking on eggshells flooded back in. Wondering what the mood would be like once we woke up and started the day.

While thinking about all those moments again and bringing myself back to today and how time has gotten away, I felt let down, scared, short-changed and anxious. Anxious that I am going to miss out on more happiness in life, anxious that half of my life is over. The first half of my life seemed to drag on, how can this second half be so fleeting?

I was suddenly brought back to reality in an instant; the instant a song came on the radio at exactly the right time! Here I was sunken deep in the past and worried about the future when the group Boston shouted to me, “Don’t Look Back”! Wow, the power of the Lord in this universe and in our lives!

I’m humbled. I’m thankful. And, I have a new favorite song for the moment. Message received loud and clear!

Every New Dawn is another chance to start over. That is something wonderful!

Stand Tall!

Dawn

Portion im-Perfection

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For the past year or so a lot has happened – to me personally, and to everyone in the world – literally. This has caused me, or rather allowed me to exhale long and slow. With that brought indulgences.

I have been awakened to my portion sizes of my dinner meals. I cook healthy foods 90% of the time but for some reason that gave me permission to have a lot more veggies or a lot of lean meat. I dismissed the fact that while I don’t lean on counting calories, the amount of food I eat adds calories, a too many, even if they aren’t empty calories, they add up. I scroll through Instagram, the web or social media and see so many delectable foods, recipes, and such beautiful plating and it’s inspiring. The majority of plates I see are fairly filled to the edges but the most beautiful and inviting meals are the ones that have just enough food on them. Seeing the perfect portion to fuel our bodies reminds me to slow down when eating, taste, feel, smell and thoroughly enjoy the food that is presented.

Food is meant to fuel our fine-tuned body. Mealtime is meant to slow us down, to be in the moment, to gather with family and/or friends and connect. Even when we are in a position that we eat alone, it can be a time to be in the moment, reflect on the day ahead or the day behind us.

Eating is necessary but we need not overindulge. Take a step back and reset your mealtime habits. Take note of how you fill your plate. Take note of how your food smells, looks and tastes. Be aware of when you’re feeling satisfied and take note of how much is on your plate at that moment of satiety. Use that as your guide when you serve yourself in future meals and whittle down your imperfect portion until it is perfect.

Happy, healthy, eating!

My Habit vs. My Goal

  • and coleslaw with plain Greek yogurt and spice dressing
    My Habit
  • My Goal
  • My Habit

Self-Awareness is part of Self-Healing and Growth – It is not Selfish!

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Every New Dawn is a Time to Renew

I am free.
I am whole.
I am good.
I am kind.
I am not the negative energy that others tried to fill me with.
I am not made of the stones that others threw at me.
I am not weak like the sticks that were hurled my way.
I am sometimes fragile but never frail.
I can be counted on by others and for myself.
I am a bright light in the middle of someone’s dark day.
I am enough.
I love enough.
I do enough.
I can do more.
I am open to fantastic adventures.
I am content when I need to be.
I am God’s child.
I am loved.
I am not broken.
I am vital.

I’m Learning to “Let Go” by Practicing Small Acts of Letting Go

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As anyone who has had to deal with trauma at some point in their life knows, it’s hard to let it go. It’s not that we want to hold onto it, it’s just that things in daily life sometimes stop us in our tracks and hit us like a tidal wave – a tidal wave of emotions and sometimes reliving an experience. With professional help and hope, those moments lessen, don’t last as long and eventually get pushed to the back of the line.

I had my share plus some of trauma from childhood and into adulthood. I’ve worked on releasing my past for many years; and for those who haven’t had devastating physical and/or emotional trauma, it’s not easy to release. My hope would be that more people had good experiences without trauma in their lives but I have learned that there are more people who have had traumatic experiences, similar to mine.

PTSD – is very real and not limited to military personnel and veterans. PTSD is serious. It causes anxiety, depression, discomfort among many other feelings and it’s different for everyone. My feeling is once I can get past being shaken by a memory, accept the memory and move forward in my activity, I can heal from PTSD. I speak for myself because I’m not trained in psychotherapy – I’ll leave the professionals to do their job.

Moving on to practicing small acts of letting go.

I recently had a situation that has no need for details to tell you what it did for me. In the past, I’d have been angry still and thinking about what that person did to me versus what the situation did for me. I’ve always been a glass half-full kind of gal. I usually give people the benefit of the doubt, see the good in people, ignore red flags and such. Over time more recent, I have been allowing myself to see people for whom they truly are rather than who I want them to be. This has become a huge release of negativity inside of me. I can honestly say that it has lifted my mind as well as my heart, stomach and lungs. Each time I release them from my emotional heart, it’s like a fresh air breeze hit me and twirled me around into a new space.

How can you do this? Take a small situation that upsets you and try to view it differently than your typical go-to reaction. Sure, allow yourself to be upset, but don’t let it fester. Instead of being stuck on the details of the situation, take a mental look at the person involved. Ask yourself if he/she is a taker, energy suck, if they seem to always act/react this way or if it was a once in a lifetime random flaw. When you see the person for who they truly are, you may be able to dislocate from them.

In doing this practice, it has been allowing my traumatic experiences in my past, be recognized and filed into files of the past. For so long I have thought that what happened to me, defined who I am today. By letting people in my current life go, it is helping me to move away from my past. I can’t honestly say that I have forgiven those people who hurt me, but I can see them for who they were instead of who I wanted them to be, who they should have been but weren’t. A few of them have died and I didn’t mourn their death, I mourned the fact that they would never be who I thought they should be; protective, loving and caring, because they are gone. I also came to realize that I am that person to my kids; I am the parent that I wish I had. I love my kids, will never hurt them and will never despise nor insult them. Even though they are adults now!

Start today. Try one small act of letting go. See a situation for exactly what it is or a person for exactly who they are to you. How someone treats you, says more about them than it does about you. Learn to free yourself from those who take advantage, who see you as weak or who think of only themselves.

Share your thoughts or ask me anything.

Each day starts new, you can too.

Thinning Hair & Hair Health

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Your hair, nails and skin growth and health come from the inside. Each of these is fed from our blood. Sometimes we might be lacking certain nutrients, minerals and vitamins which can be boosted by the food we eat and supplements. My personal go-to choices and suggestions to my health coaching clients are to use whole food-based supplements versus chemical (man-made) compounds. They’re not as hard to find as it might seem.

First, healthy hair, skin & nails vitamins & minerals are A, B – Biotin, C, D3, E, Iron & Zinc. Melatonin is also beneficial especially when applied topically. Topical sprays and foams are available. I can guide you and I will attach links to each supplement I would use and or suggest but first a quick guide to how each vitamin helps.

Vitamin A

  • Keeps cells healthy, helps produce sebum which keeps hair/scalp & skin healthy. Sweet potatoes, carrots, pumpkins, spinach and kale are all high in beta-carotene, which is turned into vitamin A.
  • Vitamin A can also be found in animal products such as milk, eggs and yogurt. Cod liver oil is a particularly good source.
  • Too much vitamin A can cause hair loss, coarse hair, dry rough skin, cracked lips
  • Recommended daily amount per Mayo Clinic is 700 mcg for women.

Vitamin B & Biotin

  • B-vitamins help create red blood cells, which carry oxygen and nutrients to the scalp and hair follicles
  • B-vitamins from foods include whole grains, almonds, meat, fish, seafood and dark, leafy greens.
  • Animal foods are the only good sources of vitamin B12
  • Niacin, riboflavin, thiamin and pantothenic acid, folate are all B vitamins – a good B complex would be good. I take Thorne myself as it has everything the body requires to function well. Amazon link for Thorne B Complex

Vitamin C

  • Antioxidant
  • Helps the body create the protein known as collagen
  • Helps your body absorb iron a necessary mineral for hair growth

Vitamin D3 (taking magnesium with D will help absorption)

  • Feeds the cells and aids in the production of healthy hair follicles
  • Research also shows that vitamin D may help create new follicles — the tiny pores in the scalp where new hair can grow
  • Food sources are fatty fish, cod liver oil, some mushrooms and fortified foods

Vitamin E

  • Helps prevent oxidative stress and boost hair growth.
  • Food sources are sunflower seeds, almonds, spinach and avocados

Iron

  • Helps red blood cells carry oxygen to your cells. This makes it an important mineral for many bodily functions, including hair growth.
  • Iron deficiency, which causes anemia, is a major cause of hair loss. It’s especially common in women.
  • Food sources are clams, oysters, eggs, red meat, spinach and lentils.

Zinc

  • Helps hair and tissue growth and repair
  • Keeps the oil glands around the follicles functioning properly
  • Hair loss is a common symptom of zinc deficiency (14Trusted Source, 15Trusted Source).
  • Studies show zinc supplements reduce hair loss caused by zinc deficiency
  • However, there are some anecdotal reports that supplementing with too high of a dose can also contribute to hair loss. (Kayla McDonell, RD August 6, 2016)
  • For this reason, it may be better to get your zinc from whole foods. (Kayla McDonell, RD August 6, 2016)
  • Foods high in zinc include oysters, beef, spinach, wheat germ, pumpkin seeds and lentils.

Protein

  • Hair IS protein. It’s made up of entirely protein. Eating enough protein daily is important for hair growth as well as muscles.
  • Side note: Protein is not always more slimming for the body though it helps. If a person is overweight and doesn’t burn off as much or more energy than they consume, protein can/will turn to fat stored in the body.

I hope all of this helps. A good quality multivitamin is beneficial. AS I stated earlier, a whole food vitamin will be absorbed by the body much better than a typical, cheaper chemical compound vitamin brand.

Daily Multivitamin Supplements: Here are some that I either use, have used and recommend in order of preference

Supplements for hair growth: I have not used but these are in line with needs for thin/thinning hair. They can be found online and some are available at CVS

  • Nutrafol – Nutrafol   – it’s quite expensive but claims it works based on studies
  • Keranique – Keranique
  • Spring Valley Hair, Skin & Nails this is a good brand, [I use their echinacea/goldenseal root as I find it as the brand that works best for me and many other’s I have given it to.] Can be found in grocery stores, Walmart, Walgreens and online.
  • OLLY for Hair – Olly

According to the dermatologist, androgenetic alopecia, hypothyroidism, low levels of vitamin D and iron are among the most common reasons behind hair loss. – (Michelle Henry, clinical instructor at Weill Cornell Medical College)

Bottom line in my professional opinion based on research I’ve done is to take either a daily multi-vitamin and/or one of the supplements I’ve listed. If you choose to take both, I would start with one at a time, giving it 2 months before starting the other one. If you prefer to take only one, I would try the “hair supplements” first. All recommendations I have found in my research recommends to give all focuses at least 6 months to see/feel an improvement. In my holistic nutrition training I’ve learned that every change needs 4 months minimum; whether it be diet, supplements, or exercise.

I hope this little bit of information helps you regain healthy hair & skin. Message me or comment with questions if you have any and I’ll do my best to find the answers!

My research is based on my many years of knowledge and experience being a hairstylist and found from reputable websites/universities/government studies from US, UK, Australia.

Your hair, lifestyle and food coach, Dawn